“Lieutenant, get in my f—-ing office, now!” I can hear that voice as if it happened this morning, the day that Captain Chris Dessaso laid into me in one of the most memorable ass chewings of my lifetime. It was my first unit assignments and I had really made a mistake. Charlie 1-10 Infantry was a basic training company at Fort Leonard Wood, MO, that was arguably the best in the Battalion and certainly in the top tier of the Brigade. And a big part of that was Chris’ drive for excellence and willingness to lay down the law as the commander to achieve it. As a young, wet behind the ears, and eager second lieutenant, I was all about doing my best and driving hard in what equated to a 5 to 9 job, 7 days a week. My mistake, however, was to open my mouth to his spouse about some inner murmurings that not everything was going as well as the commander thought they were, and that he needed to think about that some. It was a classic case of “going around the boss” that proved to be a colossal failure. But I learned more than that the next morning as I was in the front leaning rest before his desk as he raged for what seemed to be an interminable length of time. It wasn’t just a lesson on why not going direct to your boss with concerns was a bad idea or don’t mistake cordiality of relationships with your boss’ spouse as a way to relay messages. No, I learned a key lesson that I think every leader absolutely needs to learn: you need to have a harsh, respected, professional, critic that can stab you in the eye when you need it.
One of my weaknesses as a leader is that I get what I call “sagely”. It’s a mixture of both being a “know it all” and having way too much pride/confidence for my own good. I am a type “A” personality. Or as my wife puts it, I’m an over achiever. Lots of folks around give me feedback that can absolutely stroke my ego and go to my head. And sometimes it does just that. But that is precisely when I need to be crushed back down to planet earth. Jackie, in my personal life, is very adept at putting me in my place, and I deeply love her for that (even as sometimes I’d not like to admit it or appreciate it in the moment). But in my professional life it’s been critical as well to have someone be my sounding board and to set me in my place periodically, less I travel down a road that hurts the mission and objectives of the work I’m trying to do, never mind myself and my career. In my mind, as a result, I am beyond convinced, every good leader needs to have a mentor, peer, or other designated person in your professional life who’s job it is to knock you off your proverbial high horse, regularly. And those who rise to high heights that don’t have this, not only fail as leaders, fail personally, but fail to actually be leaders in reality.
There are several historical examples of this reality, both in colossal failures and phenomenal success. Napoleon is a classic example of where he did not have this critic, and it led him to exceptionally destructive behaviors, including the devastating March to Moscow. But we can and should look at examples where the opposite occurred. A pair of great examples were arguably our two best Presidents ever, Washington and Lincoln. Both of these two leaders had such critics that served them well. In Washington’s case he relied on Hamilton for this to a degree as well as ensuring he had a cast of rivals around him as advisors including Jefferson as well as Madison. In Lincoln’s case, he had Seward and a similar team of rivals (to use a title of a famous biography of him) that he used to check himself. Both of these leaders could not have risen to the heights they did without the required professional critic that they depended on to seek out and find the flaws in their leadership styles and approaches to issues. While they were brilliant into themselves and had hearty egos to go with it, they knew that they had to dispatch with sycophants, surround themselves with capable persons who challenged them, and keep hubris in abeyance.
In my life, I have been a part of organizations where I’ve seen where the appointed or selected leader, both failed to have this kind of critic that was taken seriously and respected, and ones where they had one or two and thus the entire enterprise benefitted. It was among the reasons for the clear differences between my two combat tours in Iraq. Tour #1 went through two O-5 Battalion Commanders who didn’t remain grounded, despite the Battalion’s motto being “Down to Earth”. The second had a full bird Colonel who had a Command Sergeant Major (CSM) who was unabashed in laying out his often forceful criticisms. While not always going with the advice he got from his CSM, DeLuca listened and ensured he ameliorated the risks because of the criticisms he received. Similarly, at two academic institutions, I have now witnessed the consequences of when the President has a person in his cabinet that holds significant sway and his respect that was a part of the loyal opposition, and one that has not. The former thrived and the other is at a proverbial crossroads.
To me then, the sign of a great leader, is whom he or she or they surround themselves with. Do they have a distinct person or cadre thereof, professionally, that challenge them and tell them the harsh truth about themselves, such that the leader changes and grows and avoids their worst impulses? Or are they unwilling to own that the failure in most organizations starts with them? Leaders have to hold both those around them accountable as well as themselves. The only way to do that is have someone that can confront them, who they respect and listen to, which will help them be the change they need to be in order for themselves and those they lead to be as successful as they can be.
“Erik you really have changed,” said Derrick Edmond, a peer during my second deployment to Iraq. Going into what is probably one of my most successful military assignments, I was a very headstrong and direct leader within our small Facilities Engineer Detachment of 15 people. Derrick, along with another officer whom I respected, along with the OIC, early on, pulled me aside and pointed out my flaw in my character. I was not respecting some members of the team because I was so “high speed” and had expressed unrealistic expectations of the others to think, act, and function as I did. Hearing this, I changed my approach and made choices to engage with the team. It took conscious effort, I had to check some of my instincts, but in the end it made me and the whole team much more successful. And this hasn’t been the only time. Having someone that I check in with regularly that can give me honest feedback about my flaws and where I need to improve is among my most important colleagues and friends I can have. If you too are a leader, make sure you have this professional guide in your midst; for your sake and that of those around you.
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